Friday: January 27, 2012 (Part Two)

I waited a short time after the radiation dress rehearsal for my appointment with Jeannie Hamker, Dr. Greskovich’s nurse. Starting next week, the plan calls for me to see Jeannie and the doctor every Thursday after treatment.

  

Jeannie spared no details in her explanation of what I faced. As good as the technology might be, it’s not a laser pointer they will be aiming at me. The power of the linear accelerator is both its strength and its weakness. While it’s good at zapping tumors, collateral damage is unavoidable.

The first side effect Jeannie talked about is fatigue. While they pump tons of energy into you, treatment robs you of whatever reserves you have.

  

In my case, there likely will be damage to the esophagus. My tumor is in a sneaky spot – in the upper lobe of the left lung, hiding next to aorta and close to esophagus
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Eventually, Jeannie said, the irritation to the esophagus might reach a point where I won't be able to swallow without the help of a yummy concoction called BMX. It’s a solution of Benadryl, Maalox and Xylocaine that numbs your gullet and allows you to get liquids down your throat. 

If food becomes too irritating, high-calorie protein drinks might be my main source of nutrition. Jeannie set my target at 2,500 calories a day. Radiation produces creates a miraculous example of self-preservation.   Innocent cells immediately switch into repair mode when damaged, a task that drains the body of energy.
   

Jeannie handed me a recipe that, to a health-conscious individual, would cause them to swoon. It includes  ingredients like heavy cream, Carnation breakfast drink, powdered milk and, if you'd like, ice cream. It added up to around 800 calories a serving.  

“It’s important that you maintain your weight as best you can,” Jeannie said.

Jeannie also asked how I felt mentally. I told her I felt guilty, for being so selfish and making the people I loved most to suffer because of it. Jeannie said I needed to stop beating myself up. We all do things in this life that we regret. It’s time to move forward.

I nodded my head. My friend, Bob, has become my spiritual adviser. He reminded me that God has forgiven me and that I don't have a choice in the matter. 

While Jeannie laid out all that I faced, she assured me that she and others will help me through it. Ultimately, it is up to me and me alone to summon the strength to weather this storm. It's just about time to head for the fallout shelter to wait for the shit storm to pass.

I wonder the world will look like when I finally emerge.